1 00:00:45,580 --> 00:00:49,780 Does tha know what today is? Exhausting. 2 00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:53,780 It feels like Pull-Yourself-A-Muscle-Day. 3 00:00:53,780 --> 00:00:56,220 It's Nora Batty's birthday! 4 00:00:56,220 --> 00:01:01,240 Under the circumstances, I find that REALLY uninteresting. 5 00:01:01,240 --> 00:01:08,220 I can never think of her as having a birthday. I think she was chiselled out of stone. 6 00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:10,760 It's not REALLY her birthday. 7 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:13,320 It's going to be an extra birthday, 8 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:19,320 because today I've decided I'm going to give her a big kiss. 9 00:01:21,180 --> 00:01:23,860 Oh, lucky her(!) 10 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:29,880 I don't think I've heard of anything so brave. 11 00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:40,500 Happy birthday, Nora! 12 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,060 It's not me birthday. 13 00:01:43,060 --> 00:01:47,960 Don't be too sure. You could be in for a big surprise! 14 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:56,040 He's mental... They're all mental ! 15 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:02,840 I'd still like to know... SLURPING 16 00:02:05,940 --> 00:02:09,480 I'd still like to know... SLUR-R-R-P! 17 00:02:10,780 --> 00:02:15,700 I'd still like to know how you're planning to do it. 18 00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:18,480 You can't just grab the woman. 19 00:02:18,480 --> 00:02:23,480 You have to be quick, but you can still end up with a nasty headache. 20 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:27,140 It'll have to be something crafty. 21 00:02:27,140 --> 00:02:32,240 It's not so much HOW you'll do it, as WHY you're going to do it. 22 00:02:33,660 --> 00:02:36,500 Why do people climb mountains? 23 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:40,500 At least they get a good view when they get there. 24 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:45,560 All right then, it's the challenge! You're a little demon, aren't you? 25 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:50,040 If you were Japanese, you'd be a Kamikaze pilot. 26 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:52,660 You're a natural human bomb! 27 00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:59,540 Yes, but in those trousers you're in constant danger of seeing his fuse! 28 00:02:59,540 --> 00:03:02,320 What's wrong with these trousers? 29 00:03:02,320 --> 00:03:07,320 Well, they're not fit trousers for kissing anyone in. 30 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:12,600 Maybe you're right... OK, I'll change me trousers. 31 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:16,980 Good grief! It IS somebody's birthday! 32 00:03:17,580 --> 00:03:19,340 I'm serious. 33 00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:26,940 This is the day that I'm going to give Nora Batty the biggest kiss she's ever 'ad. 34 00:03:26,940 --> 00:03:28,900 But why? 35 00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:34,260 Because it recharges me batteries. Phh-sshh-oo! He's mad! 36 00:03:34,260 --> 00:03:42,840 I think as long as there are people prepared to kiss Nora Batty, we may one day recover the Ashes. 37 00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:46,120 But HOW are you going to do it? 38 00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:50,920 All I have to do is... How would YOU do it? 39 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:57,100 The short answer is - I wouldn't. I'd sooner rub noses with a Rottweiler. 40 00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,960 How would YOU do it, Norm? 41 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,800 Don't ask me, old son. 42 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:07,800 I'm not comfortable with women. I fell into marriage by accident. 43 00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:12,440 And NOT the usual sort of accident! 44 00:04:13,240 --> 00:04:15,620 Great help(!) 45 00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:21,200 That's why a bloke 'as friends. So he can go to them for...for... 46 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:26,180 Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho! 47 00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:30,840 I think I might need a rehearsal! What are you looking at? 48 00:04:30,840 --> 00:04:35,820 Tha's a fine figure of a woman, Ivy. Oh, get out! 49 00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:38,760 I told you - Kamikaze pilot. Now... 50 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:43,760 ..don't start anything until we get clear. 51 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:48,860 What are you doing walking towards people...with that look in your eye? 52 00:04:48,860 --> 00:04:53,840 You ought to be locked up for that kind of look... Aaarrgh! 53 00:04:53,840 --> 00:04:59,720 Don't panic, Ivy. Look upon this as a heavenly experience. 54 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:05,820 Yes, well, I want you to look upon THIS as a heavenly experience. 55 00:05:10,260 --> 00:05:12,840 By heck! That clears your catarrh. 56 00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:18,420 I only wanted to give thee a kiss. 57 00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:23,400 You'll get MORE than a kiss if you don't get out of here! 58 00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:35,280 So much for the direct approach. 59 00:05:35,280 --> 00:05:37,960 We'll scrub the direct approach. 60 00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:41,860 Mind you, it does have some fringe benefits. 61 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,740 Have you changed your tiny mind? 62 00:05:45,740 --> 00:05:48,300 Tha must be joking! 63 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:53,320 A bloke wants more from life than a sticky bun. I don't know... 64 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:58,580 When you see a woman, you realise how happy you could be with a bun. 65 00:05:58,580 --> 00:06:00,860 I'm not against ALL women... 66 00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,300 just HIS women! 67 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:08,360 Cleggie were always a non-starter when it came to women. That's true. 68 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:15,300 I went through an entire married life without endangering me amateur status. 69 00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:23,260 Of course, she doesn't make the best of 'erself. 70 00:06:23,260 --> 00:06:27,800 She's never been any good since 'e left her. 71 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:33,820 ^ You're bound to want a husband back, if only for punitive purposes. 72 00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:36,300 ^ Whose husband's walked out? 73 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:38,940 Mavis Poskit. Do I know her? 74 00:06:38,940 --> 00:06:41,560 She knits for the third world. 75 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:44,180 Surely they're not COLD ? 76 00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:50,400 ^ Nobody has the heart to tell her. She makes a very good sponge cake. 77 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,060 What did 'e run away for? 78 00:06:53,060 --> 00:06:58,220 What do they all run away for? Something thinner, faster, flasher! 79 00:06:58,220 --> 00:07:02,700 Then they wonder why their hair falls out! 80 00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:05,520 Why do you want books like that? 81 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:09,200 It's fashion, it's not pornographic. 82 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:13,420 With skirts that length it IS pornographic. 83 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:19,760 I've GOT to kiss Nora Batty 84 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:24,740 or else me nerve'll go and I shall be a broken man. 85 00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:29,840 And just as we were getting used to you being merely bent. Bog off! 86 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:34,820 What kind of language is that for one of the world's great lovers? 87 00:07:34,820 --> 00:07:39,280 Can't you test your nerve on something easier... 88 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,860 ..like being a steeplejack? 89 00:07:41,860 --> 00:07:46,920 It's got to be Nora Batty. It's bigger than both of us. 90 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:50,900 One of the world's great, DEMENTED lovers! 91 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,120 She's 'ere! 92 00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:07,300 Just like I said. See what I mean? It's fate. 93 00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:12,360 It'll be FATAL all right, if you start messing about. Messing about? 94 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:17,520 Who's messing about? This is a deeply moving moment. 95 00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:20,760 It's funny you should say that. 96 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,280 I was thinking of moving, myself. 97 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,860 How are you planning on doing it? 98 00:08:25,860 --> 00:08:28,240 I tend to work by instinct. 99 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:32,180 Whoa... Oh! Oh! Oh! 100 00:08:32,180 --> 00:08:35,100 Give us a kiss. Go on! 101 00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:38,100 What's Mr Simmonite doing? 102 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:44,400 It can't be untoward, or your Uncle Seymour wouldn't be a party to it. 103 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,000 Give us a kiss! You daft devil. 104 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,680 Has 'e gone berserk? He has! 105 00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:54,960 What's he been eating? Whatever it is, he wants more 'taters with it. 106 00:08:57,340 --> 00:08:59,880 She's great with that brolly! 107 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:04,960 Doesn't tha' think she's great? That was some instinct. 108 00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,140 Norman Clegg! 109 00:09:08,140 --> 00:09:11,300 Just leaving. There's no hurry. 110 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:15,520 There's always time for a friend of our Seymour's. 111 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:18,160 I'll bet you remember Mavis Poskit. 112 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,200 Mavis Poskit? 113 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:25,220 You MUST remember Mavis Poskit. You had a crush on her at school. 114 00:09:25,220 --> 00:09:29,860 Oh, no, that was woodwork. I LIKED woodwork. 115 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:35,300 You dark horse! I'm not even a pony. Mavis Poskit? Such a nice woman. 116 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,660 ^ But lonely! 117 00:09:37,660 --> 00:09:42,320 Tell 'em it's not true. I was backward at school. 118 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:46,340 I bet I was even bottom at Mavis Poskit! 119 00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:52,280 I had a reputation to upkeep - I...was...the...milk...monitor! 120 00:10:00,028 --> 00:10:05,128 It's not that I don't like being married to your daughter, Mr Pegden, 121 00:10:05,128 --> 00:10:10,068 it's just that I'm not sure I've entirely got the hang of it yet. 122 00:10:10,068 --> 00:10:12,788 Pass that three-eigths spanner? 123 00:10:12,788 --> 00:10:14,608 Oh, aye! 124 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:22,160 We don't go out a lot... Neither of us like going out a lot. 125 00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,020 She admits it when pushed, 126 00:10:26,020 --> 00:10:31,080 but she gets mad at me for seeing her as someone who doesn't go out. 127 00:10:31,080 --> 00:10:35,980 She says we've not been married long enough not to go out a lot. 128 00:10:35,980 --> 00:10:38,720 ^ Barry! The spanner! 129 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,800 Oh, aye! Coming up, Mr Pegden. 130 00:10:43,860 --> 00:10:46,480 'Ow do you like 'er colour? 131 00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,040 Oh, I like it fine. 132 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:53,960 I'd never have married her, if I didn't like her colour. 133 00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:58,360 You don't think I ought to have her resprayed? 134 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:00,820 Oh! 135 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,900 You've got visitors, Mr Pegden. 136 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:11,760 ^ It's always when you're havin' fun! Who is it? 137 00:11:11,760 --> 00:11:14,280 Seymour and Mr Simmonite. 138 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,300 ^ I'm not in! You understand? 139 00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:19,880 Where shall I tell him you are? 140 00:11:19,880 --> 00:11:22,220 ^ You've no idea! 141 00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,280 Ah, Barry! 142 00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,680 I've no idea. 143 00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:33,200 What? Is Wesley here? 144 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:38,220 Well, in a manner of... I wouldn't like to say...exactly. 145 00:11:38,220 --> 00:11:42,920 Not that he's entirely... or even possibly... 146 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:47,300 It's difficult to put your finger on it... 147 00:11:47,300 --> 00:11:49,940 WESLEY: Oh, for crying out loud, Barry! 148 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:55,880 Wesley! Faithful, though somewhat oil stained, brother-in-law. 149 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,460 I did me best! 150 00:11:58,460 --> 00:12:02,480 What is it? I haven't time for any extra jobs. 151 00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:07,020 Extra jobs? When do I ever give you extra jobs? 152 00:12:07,020 --> 00:12:09,400 We wondered if Clegg was here? 153 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,340 Norman Clegg? 154 00:12:11,340 --> 00:12:16,680 Tha's sharp as a razor, today! I 'aven't seen him. Ask Barry! 155 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:21,320 What's the use of asking him ?! 156 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:26,680 He didn't know if YOU were here! Did thee? I haven't seen him. 157 00:12:26,680 --> 00:12:29,360 I can say that definitely. 158 00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:34,280 When last seen, he was being kidnapped by... 159 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:36,860 Nora Batty! There's no justice. 160 00:12:36,860 --> 00:12:41,840 How come HE'S the one to be snatched away by Nora Batty? 161 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:43,940 And by Edie. 162 00:12:43,940 --> 00:12:48,920 What my sister wants with a former milk monitor, I can't imagine. 163 00:12:49,980 --> 00:12:54,900 Well, she 'asn't brought him here. She's not home yet! 164 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:04,780 Good day to you, Howard. It might be for some. 165 00:13:04,780 --> 00:13:09,300 Cheer up, it may never 'appen. It already has! 166 00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,980 She found a note in me pocket. 167 00:13:11,980 --> 00:13:17,000 That'll teach thee to be careless with money. Not that kind of note. 168 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:20,400 A note from Marina. 169 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:25,420 Whoops! Dropped a little gooly there, didn't we, Howard? 170 00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:30,640 Little? It was one of me better ones, was that. Tha's a right prawn! 171 00:13:30,640 --> 00:13:36,620 Tha's supposed to memorise notes, then swallow 'em! It was scented! 172 00:13:36,620 --> 00:13:40,720 How's a bloke supposed to eat scented paper? 173 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:47,640 I bet it's better than what tha's eating since Pearl found out. That's true. 174 00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:58,900 Oh! Tha's looking radiant, Pearl. 175 00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:02,900 And you. A vision of loveliness. 176 00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:05,380 Sorry, lass, I'm spoken for. 177 00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:07,980 Don't "lass" me! Just move on. 178 00:14:07,980 --> 00:14:12,880 I don't want you cheering him up when he's on punishment detail. 179 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:15,340 You're not doing him any favours. 180 00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:20,340 If 'e wants to survive this week, it's best I see him suffer. 181 00:14:20,340 --> 00:14:24,400 I'm doing me best. He's doing very nicely. 182 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:29,420 I assure you, we merely happened to be passing looking for Clegg. 183 00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:34,800 That's another weirdo - came home a minute ago looking like death. 184 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:39,600 Never seen a living soul as white as that before. 185 00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:50,740 Go away! 186 00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:57,560 It's locked. And anyway, there's nobody at home. 187 00:14:59,260 --> 00:15:01,840 Come along, Cleggie. It's us! 188 00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:05,080 Are you alone? 189 00:15:06,260 --> 00:15:08,500 Well, I've got HIM with me! 190 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:11,820 Is HE alone? 191 00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:16,840 I will be, if tha keeps running off with Nora Batty! 192 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:26,680 You'll be all right. You've no need to fret. 193 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,700 Hot, strong tea. Just the ticket. 194 00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:35,600 You've only got to meet her and talk about old times. 195 00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:40,600 I'm no good at old times. I don't remember any old times. 196 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:42,960 I asked them, "Why me?" 197 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:48,080 "Because she needs somebody who won't scare her," they said. 198 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:52,840 I told them, "I'll scare her - I'm pushy." 199 00:15:54,360 --> 00:15:56,820 You've got to pass the word: 200 00:15:56,820 --> 00:16:02,520 "That Norman Clegg - Ye Gods! Is he pushy ?!" 201 00:16:04,660 --> 00:16:07,260 Where are you meeting her? The cafe. 202 00:16:07,260 --> 00:16:12,180 A public place is more respectable. What time are you meeting? 203 00:16:12,180 --> 00:16:14,520 Three. What time is it? 204 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,060 Ooh...you've got an hour yet. 205 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:19,760 How far can you get in an hour? 206 00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,500 Come here, sit down. 207 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,000 You'll be OK with Mavis Poskit. 208 00:16:27,260 --> 00:16:29,900 She fancied thee at school. 209 00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:33,960 Nobody fancied me at school... I had spots. 210 00:16:33,960 --> 00:16:36,340 Not ALL the time? 211 00:16:36,340 --> 00:16:38,200 Nearly... 212 00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:44,180 I used to pick the scabs on me knee. 213 00:16:49,260 --> 00:16:54,280 Do you think he'll be there? He looked terrified. 214 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,540 Oh, he'll be there. 215 00:16:56,540 --> 00:17:02,180 I have this feeling inside me that he's a very lonely person. 216 00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:08,540 ^ He'll be there, because Mrs Batty is going to SEE that he'll be there! 217 00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:11,000 He'll be there. 218 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:16,300 Even if she has to call for him to see that he gets there! 219 00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:21,740 I'm not without experience moving men who are reluctant to move. 220 00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:26,540 What then? They're hardly likely to fall into each other's arms. 221 00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:31,500 ^ Not in public! They're both very shy people. 222 00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:36,780 They're ideally suited. It's a very appropriate match. 223 00:17:36,780 --> 00:17:40,020 Mother! He's terrified of the idea! 224 00:17:40,020 --> 00:17:45,560 Exactly! He's very suitable. She needs somebody timid. 225 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:50,600 It can take years to get a good timid... 226 00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:54,260 ..if you're starting from scratch. 227 00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:06,740 You've got to help me! You've GOT to help me. All right! 228 00:18:06,740 --> 00:18:12,100 I don't mind giving assistance, provided you help me with Nora. 229 00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:17,080 Nora Batty? Nora Batty ?! Don't you mention her name to me. 230 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,980 She's the one who's collecting me. 231 00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:22,580 Nora Batty's coming here ?! 232 00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:33,840 Is Norman Clegg at home? 233 00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:37,860 He don't look well enough to be anywhere else. 234 00:18:37,860 --> 00:18:43,760 He'd better be. He's meeting Mavis Poskit at three o'clock. 235 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:51,660 I didn't know Norman Clegg was one for the women! Yes, you never can tell (!) 236 00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:56,660 I keep telling you, love, I don't know how the note got there. 237 00:18:56,660 --> 00:19:00,720 I think it was planted on me. Mmm (!) 238 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,280 I must have enemies. 239 00:19:04,360 --> 00:19:07,080 There's ME, for a start. 240 00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:27,420 Is he in? He can't come. He has a bad headache. He's resting. 241 00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:34,420 I didn't come all this way in me second best hat to be fobbed off like that! 242 00:19:34,420 --> 00:19:36,660 I really think... 243 00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:38,600 Oh... 244 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,320 Oh, dear. 245 00:19:44,740 --> 00:19:47,320 URGENT KNOCKING 246 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:50,580 Are you decent? 247 00:19:50,580 --> 00:19:52,920 WHIMPERING 248 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:55,640 Well, come out! 249 00:19:55,640 --> 00:19:58,300 There's no need for this! 250 00:19:58,300 --> 00:20:03,300 GROANING Don't you grunt at me. It's for your own good. 251 00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:08,340 You'll thank us all if you suddenly find happiness and contentment. 252 00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:10,960 WHINING 253 00:20:12,780 --> 00:20:15,860 Imagine, at your time of life... 254 00:20:15,860 --> 00:20:20,840 suddenly finding happiness and contentment. 255 00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,920 Imagine! 256 00:20:24,940 --> 00:20:27,520 I've found happiness and contentment! 257 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:31,760 This is no way to treat a woman! 258 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:34,040 GET OFF ! 259 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,000 NORA SHRIEKS 260 00:20:45,060 --> 00:20:49,200 And you, Norman Clegg - Cafe at three o'clock! 261 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:56,180 Where are you going with him? Emergency! 262 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:14,380 'Ere. Hold that. 263 00:21:14,380 --> 00:21:17,680 Have a look in 'ere. Yearrgghh! 264 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,560 What's this emergency? 265 00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:38,600 Cleggie's got woman trouble, and you've got something he needs. 266 00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,260 Good looks and personality. 267 00:21:41,260 --> 00:21:46,260 It's not something that you can transfer. 268 00:21:47,120 --> 00:21:51,260 That's true. But you HAVE got something he needs. 269 00:21:51,260 --> 00:21:54,220 What do I need? What DOES he need? 270 00:21:54,220 --> 00:21:57,140 Marina. Marina!! 271 00:21:57,500 --> 00:22:02,320 Why does he need Marina? Yes, why DO I need Marina?! 272 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:07,220 It's only for tactical purposes. I'm not having that! Oh, heck! 273 00:22:08,340 --> 00:22:10,960 What do you mean, tactical puposes? 274 00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:14,860 Don't worry about it. But I DO worry. 275 00:22:14,860 --> 00:22:16,340 Me, too! 276 00:22:16,340 --> 00:22:21,420 There's a plot afoot to get Cleggie involved with Mavis Poskit. 277 00:22:21,420 --> 00:22:26,180 Then let 'im try tactical purposes on Mavis Poskit! 278 00:22:26,180 --> 00:22:31,400 I think I'll emigrate. Can you still get to Australia for �10 ? 279 00:22:32,980 --> 00:22:35,940 Will you give over! Leave it to us. 280 00:22:36,580 --> 00:22:43,540 They've chosen Cleggie because he's quiet and shy and not likely to frighten Mavis Poskit. 281 00:22:43,540 --> 00:22:46,180 I'm NOT likely to frighten her. 282 00:22:46,180 --> 00:22:51,880 Cleggie must give the impression that he's dynamite with women. 283 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:56,880 I can't do impressions! You'll do this one with Marina! 284 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,020 He can't do anything with Marina! 285 00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:02,420 He knows what he's talking about! 286 00:23:02,420 --> 00:23:05,740 You don't have to do anything! 287 00:23:05,740 --> 00:23:10,740 No, they'll just be simulating. I'm not having that, either! 288 00:23:16,380 --> 00:23:18,780 I can't see him. 289 00:23:18,780 --> 00:23:23,640 ^ There, you look lovely, Mavis. I'm nervous! 290 00:23:23,640 --> 00:23:25,640 Give her this... 291 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:27,640 ..on the house. 292 00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:33,120 There you are, Mavis. 293 00:23:33,120 --> 00:23:35,140 Thank you. 294 00:23:35,140 --> 00:23:37,880 ^ You do remember Norman Clegg? 295 00:23:37,880 --> 00:23:39,740 Vaguely. 296 00:23:39,740 --> 00:23:42,140 That's him (!) 297 00:23:42,140 --> 00:23:45,740 You used to like him at school. 298 00:23:45,740 --> 00:23:50,140 I used to like mint humbugs at school. 299 00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:55,720 You'll find he's very suitable. He's timid and gormless. 300 00:23:57,580 --> 00:24:02,960 That's about the best masculine combination you can 'ope for. 301 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,640 But mine was timid and gormless. 302 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:09,680 Didn't stop HIM sneaking off to that woman. 303 00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:13,360 Please. I'd rather not, in front of Glenda. 304 00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:14,540 Mother! 305 00:24:14,540 --> 00:24:19,620 You weren't brought up to discuss extra-marital problems. 306 00:24:19,620 --> 00:24:24,100 Yes, we NEVER talked about anything interesting. 307 00:24:24,100 --> 00:24:27,520 Somebody thinks HE'S interesting! 308 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:29,200 What woman? 309 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:32,260 You mean someone hasn't heard (?) 310 00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:38,440 You've seen her. If her skirts were any higher, she'd have to wash behind her ears. 311 00:24:39,580 --> 00:24:41,660 That Marina. 312 00:24:41,660 --> 00:24:43,960 Oh, her! 313 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,040 Yes, HER ! 314 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,400 Her with them eyelashes! 315 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:53,340 She could conduct the Halle Orchestra with those eyelashes! 316 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,180 And that scent she wears... Urrchgh! 317 00:24:57,180 --> 00:25:02,380 It smells like all she wants in life is to be a sugared almond. 318 00:25:02,380 --> 00:25:08,060 I like sugared almonds. I know somebody else who does (!) 319 00:25:10,580 --> 00:25:13,260 Talk of the devil ! 320 00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:28,620 Nice spell of weather for the time of year. 321 00:25:29,660 --> 00:25:31,660 Norman! 322 00:25:33,160 --> 00:25:36,260 SQUEAKS OF INTENSE PANIC 323 00:25:39,460 --> 00:25:44,680 That Norman Clegg - you never know which way he'll move next. 324 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:50,120 He certainly knows how to keep a girl guessing! He's BRUTAL... 325 00:25:50,120 --> 00:25:52,860 ..but MAGNIFICENT ! 326 00:25:54,920 --> 00:26:00,300 Norman! If you're busy, I'll come back later. 327 00:26:01,780 --> 00:26:03,160 Norman... 328 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:07,900 I thought...last night... was wonderful ! 329 00:26:12,420 --> 00:26:14,020 What?! 330 00:26:14,020 --> 00:26:19,060 It wasn't until this morning that I realised you'd left your... 331 00:26:28,660 --> 00:26:30,580 Come on! 332 00:26:37,940 --> 00:26:40,980 They're not mine! Oh, yes(?) 333 00:26:40,980 --> 00:26:46,140 It's a frame! Never mind the frame. What about the picture? 334 00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:49,160 I never wear boxer shorts. 335 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:49,180 It's true... Scarcely ever. 336 00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:51,720 I've been set up. 337 00:26:55,140 --> 00:26:59,760 Oh, shut up, man. It was for your own good. 338 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:01,160 What? 339 00:27:01,940 --> 00:27:03,440 Oh... 340 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:05,380 Oh... Ha-ha! 341 00:27:08,140 --> 00:27:10,740 Four teas, please, Ivy! 342 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:21,960 I can't help thinking, Norman, what an outstanding Clegg you'd be... 343 00:27:22,980 --> 00:27:25,960 ..in those boxer shorts. 344 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:39,280 Not so fast, Cleggie! Tha'll catch up with Mavis Poskit! 345 00:28:37,980 --> 00:28:40,980 Subtitles by Malcolm Smith 1989 346 00:28:41,030 --> 00:28:45,580 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0